Unique Thoughts…

Sometimes I wish that I could paint a picture with words.  One that was so vivid a person could actually picture it forming in their head almost as if I was a painter and the world a canvas.  It’s something that I’ve thought about often, and while I do think that describing life in details is fun, I find that using the most minute of those features to be tedious.

I think that’s why I never understood the love of Lord of the Rings.  Don’t get me wrong, I realize that they are a beloved set of books, I do not deny that there are merits to them and they are indeed beautiful works of fiction.  However, I could not get into them.  When grass is described in such detail that my brain wants to melt I just want to cry.  Some I know celebrate this, some do not see the joys of dense dialogue writing, purple prose is not something that tickles some people’s fancy, and I respect that I just have never really been sure where I fit in.

Is it the satire and honest truth that I can capture?  The way I tend to not hold anything back?  Or is it the angst of being that person that is trapped between a rock and a hard place?  The woman that knows who she is yet cannot yell it from the rooftops because there’s still that little girl inside that needs to be accepted and my truth, the REAL me is something that not everyone will embrace.

Growing Up…

Growing up I was always told to keep quiet, smile, don’t talk about being sad, so desperately sad that you cannot breathe. Being able to speak of that sadness was something that just wasn’t permitted.  Unlike most of society (which was quickly becoming a Prozac Nation) I was not allowed to even utter the words depressed or sad without being made to feel utter guilt like I was not acknowledging the things my mother had done for me.  I always knew what she did yet that never stopped the pain, of being sad.

I remember not being able to grieve loss the way a person should be able to only because there were other people in my family that were feeling the loss too and I just wasn’t allowed to be sad like that because ‘That was your mother’s mom, you need to be strong for her. The last thing she needs is to worry about you crying.’ That at the time didn’t seem fair, even now I harbor a lot of anger over that.

Now that I’m a parent of a son that has been diagnosed with Aspergers I can understand the helplessness you feel when someone has something wrong with them, and you feel like there is nothing you can do.  There are times when my son is upset, and I’m left in the dark, sitting there with my hands in the air wondering what just happened.  Other times he’s so sad that I only cry because I don’t know what else to do.  One thing that I learned though is that I never in my life will ever make him feel like he ought to feel guilty for making me think any of these things.  Nothing that he does (within reason) is his fault.  Yes, he’s held accountable for his actions, he’s high functioning and understands right from wrong.  I expect him to behave a certain way and that is one thing that he understands.

I think what bothers me the most is that when he was first diagnosed, I got a lot of flack from family about having him put on medication.  At the time he was very tiny for his age, and a lot of people were ‘worried’ that the medication would affect his appetite and cause him to lose weight.  At the same time, I always knew that the real reason was that medication was just something that you used when you were weak.  (That was what I heard growing up anyways)

Now, yes I’ve glossed over a lot of this.  I could go into detail about all of this and write hundreds of words, but I’m not sure that anyone would be interested.  The goal is just to make sure people know that yes what you say and do directly influences your children and the way they raise their kids.


Fact Checks and Balances



I’d like to talk for a minute about Milo Yiannopoulos. Not because he especially deserves my attention but, because of his comments when he was brought onto Bill Maher do deserve attention for one reason and one reason only. They were incorrect. So incorrect in fact that while other people have pointed out how wrong they were I feel the need to do so myself.

Bill Maher bringing a hate monger onto his show?  Eh whatever dude it’s your show but to sit back and marginalize and almost normalize Milo’s comments by somewhat no… Agreeing at times with them is disheartening. I get you’re a true moderate and yes that’s why it’s so hard to understand you at times but for the love of whatever it is you believe in why would you ever let words so hate filled ( and no matter how nicely twisted and turned they are they’re hate filled ) be spewed without facts to back it up?

You bring Milo on who clearly says whatever he wants for attention. He is the worst kind of attention whore. The one that would literally speak out against people in his OWN community without facts to back it up because he gets paid enough money. He did it again on your show. Maybe not for the money but for the prospect of more money to come. The things that he said weren’t true. They were the very opposite of true. Anyone that does a little bit of research can verify that without much difficulty but, one would think that with a president yelling from the rooftops that the media is spreading fake news someone in the media would do what he can to dispel that myth. Instead you perpetuated that in one of the most obscene ways possible. By sitting idly by and FALLING SILENT. FOR SHAME seriously for shame… One government website shows that as many as 66% of transgender people are VICTIMS of assault. A stark contrast to what your friend Milo stated on your show sitting next to you while you agreed that it was okay for people to feel uncomfortable with transgender people using a bathroom. A damn bathroom?? REALLY?

Now what he said was that transgender people were the perpetrators of such assaults. I can’t find anything to back that up though. I looked and looked and looked. I found something that showed that a lot of people who commit violent crimes have transgender fetishes BUT that my friends is NOT the same as being transgender. Unless of course you want to say that being someone who likes to take care of your feet is the same as having a foot fetish and then okay there’s a lot of people with foot fetishes in the world. You see where I’m going with that argument right? Because I’m by no means attempting to be disrespectful to either group.

What I have found is this: When it comes to bathroom issues which seems to be the biggest problem these days… Transgender human beings are the ones that appear to be the most at risk. People everywhere should for one moment stop, take a breath and think about this. Most of these people want to be treated as just that PEOPLE. Your fears and prejudices simply make things far more difficult for everyone. Women do you like it when people tell you to breastfeed somewhere else? No… as a matter of fact you fight against it. This falls into the same lines and I’m sorry you may not see it the same way but I do. No one deserves to be treated poorly simply because they have to use the restroom.

Yes I agree that there’s a need to have open discussions regarding these things but, when you as a host of a show if that’s what you want to call yourself in a situation like that Bill Maher take a stance such as that you are towing a very scary line. Normalizing the things that were said or marginalizing them is NOT okay. It’s not the proper thing to do. If you want to advance the conversation fine but, please when it’s something that’s already so scary for so many people find a more constructive way of doing so.

I’ve dealt with this in the public school system and I can tell you that I will not ever stop fighting for a child who has been dealing with so much hate and prejudice. Not because she’s mine but because SHE is just a little girl who deserves to be treated like a little girl and I don’t want calls at home anymore regarding other parents being uncomfortable with her being in the locker room with her or the bathrooms because she and her parents made a choice.



Trump Vs. Pence

There’s this sentiment that if not Trump then there’s Pence and that’s awful. Pence isn’t much better, in many ways even more terrifying. His record regarding LGBTQ and women’s rights stands to throw the platforms into the dark ages.

In truth it’s truly terrifying. When you consider how far the two groups as a whole have come in the past decade stands to backslide probably at least twenty years. But, I think that he would at least avoid another world war. (Maybe that’s me being naive) We’d end up back in the dark ages HOWEVER, I would much rather fight like hell to get rights back than lose lives because there’s some hot head that has ZERO political chops. Trump is a tyrant- he’s horrifying and each and EVERY person with a level head should be terrified for themselves and their family. You should be scared for your future, your children’s future.

Humanity– That is the Question

There are times in my life when I question humanity. I wonder how people– people I’ve known for years (at least I thought I’ve known for years) can have such drastically different beliefs than me. (of course I get it people don’t always think and believe the same things) But, for the most part I always figured that I surrounded myself with people that thought somewhat the same things as me. Of course variety is the salt of life but, hypocrisy is NOT. When you don’t worry about something because it doesn’t have a direct impact on you there’s a problem. One day it may have an impact on someone you know, someone you care about and when that day comes– you’re going to want someone in your corner. In the past week people that I have known for years have come to be the people that I’ve lost so much for. Respect, friendship– How in the matter of a few words can my opinion of them be altered completely? How is it that I can lose respect for the people that raised me so quickly?

I get it. I do. People’s opinions are different and they always will be. That’s the beauty of living here, we are allowed to have these opinions, thoughts and feelings. But, when your thoughts or feelings degrade, segregate or repress another group of people can you not see the problem with this? How can you not see the dangers and fine lines we are starting to walk yet again?

The writing’s on the wall and that writing is terrifying. The discontent and hate that’s being bred reminds me of the fear and loathing that happened when AIDS first was diagnosed. (not to the same degree) However, people being chased from grocery stores all because of who they love and who THEY ARE, letters being left for kids telling them to go back to where they came from because of the color of their skin and little girls afraid to wear a hijab because of what may happen. These are all things that SHOULD never happen here in America. Really it should NEVER happen period but, in a country that preaches equality it should be one of the things that NEVER happens. Yet it does, with increasing frequency lately.

I’m not pointing fingers necessarily. I’m not going to say this is one person’s fault because it’s not. (although to lie and say that they have not perpetuated this would be a disservice) This is the culmination of many things. Closed minded individuals who chose not to educate themselves or instead live by the bible which is fine you do that but, there’s this thing called separation of church and state. To me this seems fairly clear– the church doesn’t get involved in laws and the state doesn’t get involved in church. Now I know what you’re going to say– the church believes in preservation of life, it believes that marriage is between a man and a woman. Abortion is not performed by the church which means it does not directly affect the church and at the same time even if same sex marriage is legal there is no law stating a church has to perform it. Keeping the laws out of the church. (you want to remain a tax exempt entity yet want your hands all over how the country is run) Doesn’t seem like it’s fair to have it both ways does it?

Back to my point, why if it doesn’t directly affect you does it matter so much? What gives you the right to take someone else’s rights away? To force your thoughts on another person/group of people? What makes you better? Entitled?

It’s just some food for thought before you start talking in front of your kids and they start regurgitating your words. Just because someone supports the right to choose doesn’t make them a ‘baby killer’ and quite frankly I find that offensive. There’s no one that can ever convince me that while abortion may not be something I choose or would want my daughter to choose that I have the right to take that choice away from someone else. No thousand year old book by an unknown author, law maker sitting in an office in Washington DC, no one will convince me otherwise. Just like those same people will never convince me that they can pick who has a right to love who and how they choose to express it. If they want to get married let them. How does it actually impact you? Really in the grand scheme of things when you wake up in the morning does it have an impact on your day to day life? I highly highly doubt it. Kids… Your kids are spewing your hate and it’s sad. I remember hoping when I was younger this world would be a lot more tolerant when I was an adult and all I’ve found is that it’s simply not. Of course there are some people… A lot that are but, then there are those that are not. That are just as hateful as they were when I was growing up. When my childhood consisted of hating the fact that Ryan White’s family had to live in fear because their poor son was dying and it wasn’t his fault. Now, I am an adult and I have to hate the fact that people are back to hiding who they love, not celebrating their religion, worrying about their right to choose.

If anything November 8th simply proved that. It proved that this country is so many steps behind where it should be. I’m sad. Sad for us as a people more than anything. Mostly though I’m sad for teenagers. The 14-17 year olds that weren’t old enough to vote that were counting on us not to let them down. The ones that hoped, maybe even prayed that we’d keep moving in the right direction because we didn’t. We didn’t and I’m sorry. I’m sorry that while you’re waiting for your chance… Your chance to be heard you have to tolerate whatever happens. If the last week and a half is any indicator it’s going to be rough but hang in there. You’re not alone.

If you’re suffering or scared because of all of this… You’re not alone. There are people who know America was great before. Just hang in there. Educate yourselves, hold onto your beliefs and find your people because this too shall pass.

One day– one day we’ll make a difference. If my daughter, my son and me are any indicator things will be different one day.


When Nice Doesn’t Cut It

I’ve tried… Tried to sit back, hope for the best. Be nice and keep my mouth shut  (that’s what I’ve always done after all) but I’ve found that it’s simply not going to work. Being the bigger person no longer means turning the other cheek. I remember a time when you went out of your way not to offend people, not to make others uncomfortable or say something that could hurt their feelings but that time passed. Keeping the peace has passed. It died on November 9th. I woke up that morning and realized that holding my tongue, keeping the peace and being ‘nice’ wasn’t going to cut it anymore.

Instead I needed to point out the fact that:

  1. I have an opinion
  2. It matters
  3. Yes, I’m a woman but, I’m educated and I’m not less than the white male population
  4. My voice is the only one that is going to stick up for my children, for me and in some cases other people.
  5. I’m not going to be afraid anymore to be me. Even if now, it’s one of the most terrifying times in this country.

Now where do I begin?

I say nice died on November 9th but, the reality is it was a slower death than that. My son (who has Asperger’s) woke up that morning asking about the election results. He’s 14 years old, old enough to pay attention, old enough to understand the gravity the title of President holds. I told him who won and while it was with a heavy heart I didn’t let him know that. These things I’ve always believed are opinions that you should not force on your children. I don’t want my kids growing up with the same opinions as me. I want them to think for themselves not spew forth my opinions just because that’s what they grew up hearing. He was upset. Very upset and at the time I tried to remain optimistic. ‘Checks and Balances’ I distinctly remember explaining in detail. (He hasn’t had government class yet) I thought or hoped rather that this would ease his mind. For a couple days, it did.

Then Friday rolled around. He was home from school and we went to lunch. While at lunch (a friend of mine and Trump supporter was there) during this outing, my son looked at me and said “Mom I just don’t understand how come people would vote for a man that makes fun of people like me.” And I didn’t have an answer because that was only one thing on a laundry list of items that made me question how people could vote for a man like that. Of course, at the time I wanted to cry because when your child hurts you hurt and damn it him gathering that HURT like hell. But, I didn’t I just said ‘Me neither buddy me neither.’

Later that night (and the exact conversation I was not present for) he brought up the same question to his grandparents. One of the responses he got was “Well you don’t know what the context was” Obviously, that upset him tremendously. When we talked about it I was pissed, no furious. His own grandparents saying that to him… Because as I explained to them. ‘Think about it… Someone mocking your grandson. Do you really give a shit what the context is? I certainly hope not. They’re mocking him for something he cannot help. I’d be fucking furious.’ It takes a small human being to mock a person with disabilities. It takes an even smaller person to tell ME a mother of someone with disabilities that I don’t understand the context that said mocking was done in because there is NO CONTEXT in which mocking is ever okay.


That is… It’s a despicable human being and the fact that these seemingly small indiscretions have been looked over time and time again is a crime. Each person that excuses this behavior is just as guilty as if you’ve committed these acts yourself. ‘One of the greatest crimes is inaction’ Yet YOU VOTED FOR HIM. Like Donald Trump is some answer that we don’t even have the question to.

In the less than month since he’s been elected people (and by people, I mean minorities) have been attacked in his name time and time again. I don’t care if people use the ‘oh I was drunk’ excuse the fact remains you felt that somewhere deep down and that makes you an asshole. That makes you just as bad as the terrorists that you supposedly hate. BUT– there is one difference you’re doing it because you supposedly love this country? Yeah if you did you would be working to better it not tear it down at the seams.

This country is more divided now than it was three weeks ago.

We have a vice president elect calling for democracy in Cuba yet he walks out on actors exercising their right to free speech, wants to take away a woman’s right to choose and actual democracy doesn’t mean a whole hell of a lot to him. Sadly, he considers being spoken to with respect bullying. (buddy look in the mirror and then talk to me about bullies) When you STOP trying to tell me what I can do with MY BODY then we can talk about bullies. Until then I have no place for you. (and for the record my birth control runs out in a couple of days which means that I should be starting my period in a week and then I start the cycle all over again. of course, you’d probably rather I not have access to the birth control that I use to control the hyperplasia that I suffer from without it therefore ending up with endometrial cancer. I’m just a woman after all what’s it matter to you?) AND can I NOT even begin to discuss the fact that your stance on working mothers is a damn joke. Especially when there’s so many lovely WHITE MEN like the two of you (yourself and your lovely boss) that don’t take care of their business. You’re a whole different breed that needs to be sent to the middle ages because you don’t know your head from a hole in the ground. I feel sorry for your wife and family. I feel bad for anyone that shares your twisted ideals.

The president elect would rather try to strip a flag burner of their citizenship and put a cross burner in their cabinet. Put a woman who has NEVER dealt with the public-school system a day in her life in charge of education and a white supremacist… (why is that even allowed in the same thought as president elect?) Nominating (if that’s what you want to call it) a man that made millions from the collapse of this economy to head the treasury department. The exact type of people you promised to protect the citizens from– WALLSTREET TYPES (Of course he’s a blatant liar and has been for years. Yet people were naive enough to vote for him)

Should I begin to discuss his disrespect for veterans and blatant disregard for their future by even considering Sarah ‘Bridge to Nowhere’ Palin to head up the VA? It’s disgraceful. However, every step he’s made has been a disgrace not to mention about twenty steps backwards from where we are now.

He’s got women working for him that are as good at double talk as he is. Which is no small feat but eventually it’ll bite you in the ass. They’re giving interviews and speaking on his behalf and pointing out the fact that interviews don’t have to be under oath. RIGHT– and yet you should probably be honest with the American people. You know since we’re the people that he’s swearing to PROTECT and this is the man that’s going to be representing us to other nations. Think about that long and hard for a minute… Did you cringe? I know I did.

Then there’s healthcare. Donald has been talking about getting rid of what we have now. Look- there are changes that need to be made yes, I agree. Getting rid of this healthcare system completely? No that’s not the answer. That’s the worst thing that could happen for this country. (coming from a healthcare worker) We need this system. We need this system to be more affordable BUT it’s only been two years. These things don’t happen overnight.

Trust me– our hospital affiliation changed 5 years ago, and we still get the ‘be patient’ speech and that’s just a group of hospitals NOT a nation of people. (before this we were the ONLY industrialized nation without a form of socialized medicine. Just some food for thought)

To the people that voted for this man… Do you look back at Hitler and think ‘Wow he was a standup guy?’ Do you feel good about the fact that there are groups of people that are no longer safe where just 45 days ago… Hell 30 days ago, they were? Does it make you sleep better at night to know that when your kids are 4 years older this place is going to be worse off? (remember your kids will pick your nursing home) Because even if you don’t already see it… It’s there. The writing, the fact that this country back peddled about 30 years it’s all writing on a wall in giant graffiti. Spelled out in bright letters…

And then— 

Don’t anyone tell me I’m a bad parent because my kids care about politics when they’re not the ones going to school saying things like ‘I just don’t think gay people should get married’ or ‘I don’t want a baby killer as president’ Hate to burst all your bubbles BUT– THAT wasn’t my kid. My kid (my 12-year-old daughter) was the one that said ‘Really how does someone else’s marriage effect you?’ Because TRUTH it doesn’t and you’re bringing your god somewhere it doesn’t belong again.

As for the baby killer comments, it’s like I’ve always ALWAYS explained to my children. ‘Abortion is an ugly topic with even uglier opinions. People talk about god and this and that. If that’s your reason for not getting one. Fanfriggintastic BUT that’s NOT a reason to make them illegal. Abortion may not be something you would choose or want your child to choose but, that never gives you the right to take that choice away from someone else. At the end of the day what someone else does has zero effect on you.’

I’m not a god-fearing person. I don’t believe that church, god or religion have any place in Washington D.C. I honestly feel that the separation of church and state should be exactly that– a separation. Clear, concise and distinct.

However, if there is a hell there’s a special place… Warm for people like Donald Trump and Mike Pence. Demoralizing, Misogynistic, Xenophobic, piece of trash that they both are.

When all of this comes crashing down on you. When you wake up from the cloud of smoke that you’re living in remember this time. Remember we had the chance to do something besides let a fascist take over this country.


It was bigger than not liking Hillary. Not wanting to listen to her speak… (Which may be one of the absolute worst excuses I’ve ever heard for not voting for her) Because of that you’ve given a liar, narcissist and someone with the most conflict of interest I’ve EVER seen the highest office of power in this country. That’s rich or a special kind of stupid that I cannot even begin to fathom.

This Isn’t For The Faint of Heart

The climate of this country ( the United States ) has changed dramatically in two weeks.

While under Obama there were people unhappy ( granted there were times I was one of them ) I hardly remember so many people being so openly hostile. Now I said OPENLY hostile. With Trump there have been numerous protests, rogue tweets, cabinet members that do not buy into Donald’s agenda. Do I think it’s bad? No not necessarily. No no one should be followed blindly. They should be questioned at every turn. ‘Is this what’s best for the people? For the country?’ A confident president should relish surrounding himself with people like that. It’s not questioning your authority because really you have no all consuming authority. You are an elected official just like everyone else and that means that you too can be removed from power.

A president should be doing things with the good of the people in mind and I don’t believe that’s what’s happening now.

You can remove the right and left, Democrat and Republican from the table and look at it simply in a matter of right and wrong, good and bad. It simplifies things ( Maybe too greatly in some cases but, sometimes we need to take the politics out of things )

Let’s start with the Muslim ban. Now the first thing people ( presidential cabinet and so forth ) like to argue is that this is the same thing that was done in 2011 by Obama.

You’re wrong. Donald Trump’s policy ( executive order ) was written and signed simply because he said he’d do it. ‘It’s for the good of the people.’ What people? That’s a question for later though. It bans indefinitely people from entering the U.S. from Syria. Plus, other countries for 90 days. This includes green card holders, people with permanent resident status as well as refugees. The list is quite lengthy. Following is the actual text of his executive order.

Continue reading